Read other people’s body language like a book

One of the major advantages you can have in this life is being able to interpret other people's body language. Do you know how much of our attitude towards others is conveyed in words? Expressed in percentage terms it is only use 7%. A further 23% is by gestures, and the remainder by the way we move, facial expressions and eye behaviour.

So when we shake hands with someone we are conveying all sorts of personal information. So if you could read his or her handshake, the gaze, or the gestures being used, wouldn't that give you a great advantage? Of course it would, and more and more people in business are learning the language of the body, or to give it its posh name - non-verbal communication.

For example there are dominant folk who almost without thinking extend their hand palm down towards you and say something like, "And how are you?"

Most people succumb and accept the extended hand with their palm up and find themselves replying from a subordinate position. The plaintiff, "I'm okay." does sound weak and they have been dominated. As a first impression this is a hopeless start to any business negotiation.

Watch out for the extended hand with the palm down and immediately extend your hand with your palm down as well. This stops the dominator in his or her tracks and that is the point where you say, "And how are you?" The trick is to see it coming. It means being aware of who is where and what they are doing all the time. In the world of the sub-conscious, if you are not one up then you are one down.

Never offer your hand when visiting someone else's office or home. An offered hand is saying, "Welcome to MY territory." If you offer your hand in their territory you send a message of control when such control is not appropriate.

The rule is to offer your hand when you are welcoming someone to your province or when on neutral territory. At the parting to ways, either party can offer their hand to finish the session. When such simple rules are broken, one party can feel slighted although they do not know why. Sometimes they interpret such actions as those of a pushy salesperson, or even worse, an oily one.

Always look at the other person's face, particularly the eyes when shaking hands. The latter should be palm to palm side on. In this way no one is seeking to gain the upper hand and it sets a fair and open atmosphere.

Understanding body language is important. You can learn to improve your social and business skills by acquiring such knowledge. Intuition will get you a long way, but sometimes body language can be counter-intuitive and the trick is to know when certain actions are inappropriate.

Become a people watcher and consciously think about the messages that other people are sending out about themselves. I have spent many a constructive half-hour sitting in a restaurant waiting for my bill, working out who is quarrelling with whom, who is in love and who is unhappy. You can read most of it in their posture and gestures, but that is a different story.

For more information go to: www.vicbotterilltalks.co.uk